The passage of time

"There is such a little time that your youth will last...The common hill flowers wither, but they blossom again. The laburnum will be as yellow next June as it is now... But we never get back our youth. The pulse of joy that beats in us at 20, becomes sluggish. Our limbs fail, our senses rot. We degenerate into hideous puppets, haunted by the memory of the passions, of which we were too much afraid, and the exquisite temptations that we had not the courage to yield to. Youth! There is absolutely nothing in the World but youth" - From Oscar Wilde's 'The picture of Dorian Gray'. 

As I turned 24, such an extract makes me think, isn't my youth too waning with every passing day, eluding my grasp like the loose sea sand? Or is it all just a matter of feeling 20 again? Well, sitting in my hostel room with assignments and projects waiting for my attention, I better make this post small. Coming back to college is akin to feeling young all over with a renewed vigor! You are suddenly given a port-key (Remember Harry Potter) and taken back to a place that you once thought you would never see again for the rest of your life.

Here, things are happening way too fast to make sense of, in a relaxed and laid back fashion. I used to do this...take a long walk, observe every little detail on the way, come back to my room, lie down and play the walk like a picture in my mind's eye...change a few characters here and there, add a few things here and there...I had time on my side like an obedient boy doing an errand. It afforded a certain luxury that I cherished. Now, there are too many characters, too many contexts, too many things happening at the same time that the recording mechanism in the mind is not able to keep pace and do justice. 

I get the feeling that life is becoming too racy and as a consequence a little too mechanical to draw any meaning. Meanwhile, Youth - that part of our lives -with rules of its own, is slipping past mockingly and with unabashed glee. Shouldn't we slow down the pace just a little? Just enough to pause and reflect, smile without any other thought fighting for space, admire the beauty all around us and get the courage to do what our heart exactly desires, what we always wanted to do but couldn't find the courage to...? Having said that, I still love the way things are panning out for, in optimism, lies hope and liberation. We are all young in our hearts and we can always make time obey our commands if only we get around to prioritizing what we want out of life. Everything boils down to that...

Lines written in a daze...

You ignite a thousand sparks in me,
You know not who your biggest fan is,
A hopeless romantic knows only verse,
Alas, he knows not how to converse!


The graceful mien, the flutter of the lips
the wavy hair as it gleams on the tender kiss
of the faint breeze - this is bliss and agony.
The joy of admiration, the (un)expressed words,
the (un)stolen glances - let them lie concealed,
let the veil not be shred and discarded, oh,
if only all of us know the heights of illusion,
we can take comfort in the laps of allusion!


In every breath you take, may rosy smells await,
in every path you tread on, a thousand joys erupt,
you have the environs gaze in wonder, at the
improbable creation you are, even the faint hints
of blemish would shudder to disturb those beautiful
tresses. A poetry in motion, you are and you would
always be!

In admiration of beauty and elegance, written in a state of daze...

On addictions and assignments!

Today marks the end of the first month at Great Lakes for some of my classmates here. One month has gone by in no time. It seems as if it was just yesterday we came back from the trek or sang along to some beautiful numbers! Time is indeed a great deceiver; it tricks us into believing that grief is long and happiness is transient and illusory.

To an unabashedly self proclaimed romantic like me, to whom the idea of beauty expands readily to encompass things that would appear silly, this place offers many addictions! New to hostel life, I am loving every bit of it now. Be it, the unexpected knocks at the door, the amazing views from outside my room windows, the walk along the corridor while talking over phone, the friends in my adjacent rooms, the rhythm of it all - it is truly something to cherish.

The plants lining the stretch from the mess to the academic block, the classrooms named after lakes like Ontario and Veeranam, the very shape of the academic block and the little temple at one corner of the campus - all these serve to elevate the place into something more than just blocks of concrete. The wonderful friends I have had the good fortune to make - even though we are not finding time to talk to each other as the rigor of the course sets in- have given me something to hold on to, something that I can confidently count on hereafter and draw strength from. At times, it does annoy me that we can't have enough fun, but it is all a part of the package we committed ourselves to. I have also got a wonderful bunch of simple people in my study group. We get together, work for sometime, talk more than we are supposed to and suddenly find a mountain to surmount. In time, We are going to rock!!

I have come to believe in the laws of attraction very firmly for I never once thought that I would feel out of place here and it has never happened so far. That I consciously strive to see only the best aspects of every person I meet makes things a little easier, I suppose. For once, it hardly leaves any room for judgment, complaints and brooding. I am getting used to the course rigor, by that I mean the language of prereads, quizzes, mid terms and case studies. 

All of us, every moment of our lives, gather memories; to savor them or loathe them is incumbent on us. As I hear a birthday being celebrated now, I am tempted to name this post 'On addictions and assignments'. Indeed nothing can be a better word than "addiction" to describe what this place and my fellow gladiators have done to me. So, until the next time I get a break from assignments, adieu!

Navigating the MBA melting pot

300 students drawn from all over India belonging to diverse backgrounds and communities and speaking different languages come together at Great Lakes Institute of Management in a village called Manamai, 8 kms from Mahabalipuram on the East Coast road. This aspect alone, to a curious person like me, opens up a lot of opportunities to learn immensely.

Whatever the effectiveness of textbook teaching, as one of our teachers said, learning in a MBA course is to a large extent, experiential. The teachers sharing their experiences and the students assimilating it and expressing their own makes interactions lively, engaging and brings a lot of perspective to every class. To me, this is the beauty of the course, the value lies in the journey and not in the destination which is just a byproduct. 

Having taken this view, there is something that every student should remember. This post is like a checklist to me and countless other students all over the country who undertake this journey.

1. "To start with a conclusion puts a stop to all thinking" - J Krishnamurti, eminent thinker and philosopher. Imagine if we try to judge every fellow student from day one. We not only commits the mistake of foreclosing acquaintances and friendships, but also forget the fact that it is not for us to judge others. (On a less serious note, Oscar Wilde says, "It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious."!)
2. One of our teachers put it beautifully in the last class she took - "Connect with others honestly". Networking, she said, sounds like a transaction and a deal. Though it is the buzzword in the industry for career advancement, it doesn't leave a pleasant taste in the mouth if one thinks hard. So, "connecting honestly with others" is the key; as long as people are able to see honesty and sincerity in us, unless we can fake it really well, they tend to warm up to us. Superficiality and duplicity can only take us so far. It is hard to wear a mask 24/7.
3. It is easy to lose our originality and identity in a new environment brimming with tension and competition in a ruthless manner. Whenever anything seemingly insurmountable looms near, connect with your core identity. All of us have one, our identities are our anchors. Connect to them and draw energy from them. This word, ' identity' is a unique one. It encompasses everything we are - our strengths, our friends, our tastes, our dislikes, our passions, our weaknesses...the list is large. Very often, redefining it to ourselves makes its roots stronger.
4. Monitor the Ego - Ego is the biggest impediment to success and from my experience, a potentially explosive one for relationships. Constantly monitor it, never feed it.
5. Application - A very senior manager told me as I left the company to pursue this course, "Siva, take this from me. Always think of application. Learning is just alphabets without application". How very true! Whether it is applying oneself honestly everyday and every moment to the task at hand or thinking of applications to the concepts we learn, it encompasses a lot! 
6. Appreciate beauty - Never lose the eye for beauty in little things in the midst of the rat races. This can be a succor anytime; it costs nothing and has extraordinary power.
7. Maintain a record - Experiences like this can't be relived. Have a record of the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the boring and the interesting elements. Memories, especially the good ones are precious.

Hopefully, I remember these points through the year ahead. It would serve me well if I manage to! 

P.S: I would try my best to update this blog on a regular basis. After all, it is hard to keep one's passions under check! 

Bidding goodbye to Bangalore!

I never wanted to write this particular post, but since I have named this blog 'Records in a Journal', I felt that memories/events of significance that deserve to be recorded should indeed be. This post is intensely emotional, so it might not be very coherent!

Bangalore - There are so many things that I have come to love about this place, I don't even want to think about what I would be losing a few days from now. From July 2007 till date, this city has shaped my life, I have partook of some of my life's greatest joys and most memorable experiences here.  Now that I have to bid goodbye to this wonderful city and all that I associate with it, my eyes well up with tears...

A lot of things changed when I moved from the suburbs of Chennai to Bangalore. My personality suddenly took wings and learnt to soar and fly. I simply didn't bother anymore, didn't shudder, didn't hesitate, didn't care about anything that had been a mental stumble anymore. I explored life like I had never done earlier. I learnt that life is about the quality of experiences a person chooses to indulge himself in and nothing more. This might seem an abnormal simplification but that is how I feel. The time at my disposal during the weekends and after work, I chose to channel it towards this objective, to experience richly. 

I would like to make this post, a record of certain memories - the picture that emerges is a nice little collage of a few years of life lived to the hilt. In no particular order, here they go -

• Most memorable trek - Kumara Parvatha 
• Most memorable new year - Coorg  
• First concert experience - Kailash Kher 
• Most memorable play at Rangashankara - Project S.T.R.I.P
• My first attempt at something different for the blog - Conversations
• First cricket match live - Chinnaswamy stadium
• First attempt at serious running - Sunfeast Marathon
• A cute memory to smile about - Girl and dog   
• A day I would never forget - Birthday

So many people have been wonderful to me, made me their friend, cared for me, wanted me to do well and wished me well. If not for them, these years would have been a drag and a bore. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have been blessed so lavishly. A huge credit for all the happy memories goes out to them.


If I make a record of the things that I'd miss, it would not end, so I wouldn't attempt it. I would just like to believe that only the first innings of my life @ Bangalore is coming to an end. I wish that the second innings is longer and equally rewarding in all aspects. To the parks and streets of Bangalore, my goodbye until hopefully, destiny permitting, our paths cross again...


To all my friends here reading this, we shall stay in touch. The world is a small place and it can only get smaller! As tears of joy well up, adieu!

Friendship - Some evergreen memories

12.40 PM on a warm and sunny day in the academic year 1996-97 - Four guys run out of their classes in the first floor of an imposing building onto the huge ground towards a shady tree some 100 meters away. In stainless steel lunch boxes, their mothers have packed lunch, they proceed to open the boxes hurriedly as crows monitor from above perched on the branches of the tree. As they eat, they discuss the maths and geography scores, how the geography teacher skips huge chunks from the text book and lulls the students into deep slumber, how the maths teacher makes sure that each student grasps the concepts...they discuss the fortunes of the Indian cricket team and the latest stationary store that has opened in the vicinity!


Early morning, Year 2001, the 10th standard results have just come out - two friends meet their tuition teacher near the town's lone mosque. She has just cleaned the house front and as she emerges outside, two little cats also come out and perch in their usual spots to see what is going on. The teacher monitors the marks and as is inevitable, she has some pleasant surprises and some crude shocks in store. 


3.55 PM on a pleasantly breezy day, year 2003 - two friends walk out from the school, imitating their maths teacher and singing paeans to the biology teacher's astonishing ability to hold the students in a trance. Their speed increases with every step they take, navigating the busy Shanmugham street to catch the 4.05 local. Once in the train, they look forward to the din and noise, as people thirsty for water and revel in every moment of the motion. As trees and houses rush by, they have no clue where they'll land up in life. Yet, there is no apprehension, only thoughts about the unit test next morning and the girl in the next compartment whose glimpse they'll catch when the train stops next.


12.15 PM, a terribly sunny day, year 2005, at the park near the Golden jubilee block - two guys are seen with their backs to the block, huddled together as they discuss the opinion pages of THE HINDU and compare it with that of the Deccan chronicle. They have neither completed the lab assignment due later in the afternoon nor do they worry about the angry stares they get from the teachers as they step late into the class, making an act of heavy panting for effect. As they walk back from the Veg mess, the sunlight filtering through the lofty branches of the trees alongside the road, catches a beautiful girl and brightens her expression. She is melancholic, but her features do a splendid job at hiding it...


7 PM, marina beach, year 2007 - The last semester is in progress. A group of friends have decided to discuss the weighty aspects of life. But when they start talking, they discuss about each other's crushes and wean out stories of romance and wooing. With a resolve to stay in touch, come what may, they watch the rush of waves teasing the shore, never ceasing and resolute in their ebb and flow. Time flees by and before they realize its too late, they rush back to catch the last of the buses!


Midnight, year 2008 is about to dawn - A group has decided to unwind from work away from the humdrum of the city in faraway Coorg. They dance to the beats of the latest blockbuster 'Jab we Met' even as they thank their stars for being part of a wonderful team that knows how to celebrate successes! The revelry continues well into the new year in the hope that the times can only get better...


7 PM, India Coffee House, Bangalore - Some friends are gathered at this relic from the past relishing the taste of the vegetable cutlet and the bread toast. They discuss mundane things, never once thinking that they are grown-ups now. They come out, click numerous pictures, take a walk on brigade road, ogle at beauties walking by and go their different ways...

It is memories like this, that make life happier, funnier and memorable. Without companions by your side who share your concerns and understand your thoughts and intentions, life is but a drag. With the hope of soaking in many more evergreen memories, I end this post.

How to spot an egotist?

I recently completed reading Preeti Shenoy's  '34 Bubblegums and Candies'. It was a delightful read, for lack of a better word. To take incidents that on a first glance appear insignificant and to juxtapose on them, insight and a novel perspective - that is the achievement of  the book and kudos to Preeti. Coming to a chapter that I particularly liked, titled 'Radiators and Drains', referring broadly to people who "leave you feeling really good about yourself" and to people who "leave you feeling inadequate in a way that cannot be described", in that order, I thought that egotists should squarely fall in the second category of Drains. Not only do their inflated opinions of themselves leave others feeling inadequate about themselves, it also leads to an estrangement of sorts from the possibility of deep and meaningful friendship.

It is self-evident that egotists are not even moderately receptive. Listening as a virtue plays a large role in sustaining any relationship. When a person who can't stomach a character that remotely threatens his ego, it is wise to leave him to his own self. This post is all about spotting such people and to the readers, a suggestion - Stay away from them like they have the plague!

If a person 

• can't put himself in other's shoes to empathize
• views a challenge to his stand as an affront to his authority
• puts people down in public and revels in delight at the achievement
• uses people to achieve his own ends 
• always makes sure that his voice in any discussion is the loudest
• can't sincerely appreciate anybody who might pose him a challenge in the future
• takes every opportunity to laugh 'at' others

then, you have a really bad specimen of the category before you. They can be a real source of pain, irritation and frustration. No amount of reasoning will ever make them see sense. I end this post by saying that I am happy to have many radiators surrounding me.