Sunday, April 4, 2010

How to spot an egotist?

I recently completed reading Preeti Shenoy's  '34 Bubblegums and Candies'. It was a delightful read, for lack of a better word. To take incidents that on a first glance appear insignificant and to juxtapose on them, insight and a novel perspective - that is the achievement of  the book and kudos to Preeti. Coming to a chapter that I particularly liked, titled 'Radiators and Drains', referring broadly to people who "leave you feeling really good about yourself" and to people who "leave you feeling inadequate in a way that cannot be described", in that order, I thought that egotists should squarely fall in the second category of Drains. Not only do their inflated opinions of themselves leave others feeling inadequate about themselves, it also leads to an estrangement of sorts from the possibility of deep and meaningful friendship.

It is self-evident that egotists are not even moderately receptive. Listening as a virtue plays a large role in sustaining any relationship. When a person who can't stomach a character that remotely threatens his ego, it is wise to leave him to his own self. This post is all about spotting such people and to the readers, a suggestion - Stay away from them like they have the plague!

If a person 

  • can't put himself in other's shoes to empathize
  • views a challenge to his stand as an affront to his authority
  • puts people down in public and revels in delight at the achievement
  • uses people to achieve his own ends 
  • always makes sure that his voice in any discussion is the loudest
  • can't sincerely appreciate anybody who might pose him a challenge in the future
  • takes every opportunity to laugh 'at' others
then, you have a really bad specimen of the category before you. They can be a real source of pain, irritation and frustration. No amount of reasoning will ever make them see sense. I end this post by saying that I am happy to have many radiators surrounding me.


Santosh Anand said...

@Siva, Very good post and its really gr8 to see you actually listing down the characteristics of a Egotist!

Fortunately you hvnt anyone around you and unfortunately for me, i have MANY! :)

$$ said...

...n if u didn't realise, u r one of the mega-bada-radiator i have ever come across! :)

Shiva said...

@ Santosh: Thanks buddy, I too had few and only later saw them for what they really were!

@ Shalini: Thanks, now that makes me feel good about myself :)

roguegene said...

seems, its more drains than radiators all around me :(.. nice listing of characteristics.. matches perfectly with a few around me..

Shiva said...

@roguegene: Thanks, I listed the characteristics based on a few examples around me... :)

Preeti Shenoy said...

Discovered this through the referrals in my site meter. Thank you for the mention and happy you really liked my book.

I agree with you 100% on what you described about 'Egotists' though I would have called them 'Toxic' as egotist seems too harmless a word.I know a few like that and they really get you down.


Shiva said...

@ Preethi,

Bless the site meter :)

'Egotist' might seem harmless, I couldn't think of a better word when I wrote...