Sunday, October 18, 2009

The agony of goodbyes...

Goodbye - "used when you are leaving someone, or when they are leaving" says the dictionary. It is one of the most uncomplicated and straightforward meanings but the experience of uttering it can be very heart breaking and emotionally wrecking when the relationship is something more than a casual acquaintance.

Life in the fast lane - how do we define it? Or rather is this the term that we should be taking time to define? It is an axiom of modern times that we come across so many people in our lives - people who don't make an impact on us and who do make an impact - that a gigantic effort is required to understand each and every one of them with respect to "us". How they affect us, impact us, influence us, gain space in our thoughts, lay claim to our time, so on and so forth...

It is not surprising then that until the moment arrives to say goodbye, we don't realize the space they have occupied in our lives! When we leave people, (to leave town to pursue work or studies) or when they leave us (to work elsewhere for example) we are left pondering over this question. We are at a crossroads in the relationship we shared with that person, be it at work or at a personal level. The roads diverge almost in a literal sense when circumstances beyond our control come into play and the decisions are made without our say. That is when we are bereft
emotionally.

Even if our lives are anchored for the time being, at times, don't we all doubt the strength of the anchor. Family and relations - the anchor here is a given, and always available. But our interactions with our parents and relations, particularly living life as we are, is slowly waning. Instead it is our friends and our colleagues at the workplace who have come to slowly occupy that space - where we let go, share things and be ourselves. It is also a matter of having things to say to each other that resonate with the same tones.

Now, the whole point of this post is that soon enough, it would be time for me to say goodbye to a friend. It is abrupt, the nature of this goodbye as is most often the case, these things leave us unprepared however well in advance they spring up. So, let me just say that despite the presence of the social networking phenomena, when priorities divulge in life and important decisions are made, it is never the same again. Nothing can ever substitute seeing a friend and talking face to face. They can try to compete for inferior alternatives at best.

Often enough, when the goodbye moment is upon us, we think of the potential that the relationship could have had, the quality that the interactions could have taken. It is but natural to think so. We take each other for granted day in and day out; subconsciously we are not programmed to visualize the goodbye moment and that is why it affects us.

People move in and out of our lives. How best we can deal this with flow remains open for us to define. We can cherish their effect on our lives however brief it is and make promises to keep in touch, leaving it to the tide of life to ultimately fashion the destiny of the relationship. We shall keep in touch through mails, phone calls and social networking sites, watch with curiosity and interest, the paths we fashion for ourselves. If we are lucky, we would get to meet each other soon in the flesh so that we would be delighted to see the smiles of recognition and warmth in each other's faces. Until then, goodbye! Sayonara!

9 comments:

V.Haricharan said...

"we come across so many people in our lives - people who don't make an impact on us and who do make an impact - that a gigantic effort is required to understand each and every one of them with respect to "us". How they affect us, impact us, influence us, gain space in our thoughts, lay claim to our time"

Bingo ..!!!

Just one innocent doubt..

Why do most of your posts, begin with quoting a word, then its dictionary meaning ??

Is it a senti or something ?? :)

Check it out.. :) :D

saurabh said...

i was expecting such blog from you :)

Shiva said...

@Hari:

"Why do most of your posts, begin with quoting a word, then its dictionary meaning ??" guess it has become too much of a habit, got to get rid of it!

@Saurabh:

:) :)

Shalini Surendran said...

Well said, "Applause, Claps!!"
By the time I finished reading the post, so many faces flashed, who said "good bye, see ya soon", knowing very well that it is not gonna happen!

roguegene said...

What better way to say goodbye to someone than dedicating a post to their name. It often gets too delicate and emotional to say it directly.. :)
'the smiles of recognition and warmth in each other's faces'.. yep nothing matches this...
Nice post.. You definitely have a way with words..

Shiva said...

@Shalini: thanks, looking forward to your posts :)

@roguegene: sometimes, this is a good way, sometimes not!

Shiva said...

I guess this post is a mistake and undeserving though my intent was right :)

Suganya said...

Even if our lives are anchored for the time being, at times, don't we all doubt the strength of the anchor Yes indeed and friends are there to save our day,. any day.

Good byes in general are painful to me; this post reminded me of the final days of college, the repeated vows to keep in touch and the painful realization that we were at the fringe of the comfort zone, that things won't be the same again. This realization turned some friends into best friends.

Great post!

Shiva said...

@ Suganya: "this post reminded me of the final days of college, the repeated vows to keep in touch and the painful realization that we were at the fringe of the comfort zone, that things won't be the same again. This realization turned some friends into best friends." - glad to hear that, you had the realization and found best friends too :)