An ode to namma Bengaluru

To the soft tenderness of your thatte idlis
and the brittle crunchiness of your nippatus,
gullible taste buds have given in.

To the drowsy laziness of your cold mornings
and the lengthy ant-lines of your traffic snarls,
ordinary eye lids have drooped.

In the breathtaking sunsets between your old school bungalows
and the abrupt outpourings of your tears,
tired spirits have found joy.

In the crawling elegance of your ageing bus fleet
and the measured movements of your pournamikas,
Time itself seems to pause and reflect.

In the haphazard gullies of your unplanned localities
and the overwhelming stench of your garbage trucks
many mortals have lost their bearings.

In the vast chaos of your technology parks
and the knotty tangles of your mushrooming hostels,
strangers have found love and life.

In the messy busyness of your bazaars and metros
and the lofty ambitions of your startups and entrepreneurs,
the gregarious and talented have found purpose.

In the sprawling varieties of your breweries
and the teeming crowds of your marathons,
young and old alike are drunk with high spirits. 

Bengaluru, to your beautiful soul and welcoming warmth,
many salutes and humble obeisance.

On reverse gender discrimination - a reality in urban India

Feminism is defined as the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. I subscribe to this definition. That makes me a feminist. 

Now, let me list a few instances to drive home what I want to convey - the reality of reverse gender discrimination in urban India - 

1. Last week, in a BMTC (Bangalore metropolitan transport corporation for the uninitiated) bus, I see this "Rs 200 fine for those who occupy seats reserved for ladies". I am standing and so are three other guys. This display appears to be warning us. Ahead of us, among these reserved seats, three are empty, all of them aisle seats with women occupying the window seats. Neither me nor the other three guys even contemplate occupying these seats. We continue standing until my stop comes (around 15 minutes). Through this 15 minutes, these seats remain vacant. 
2. I have also seen men in BMTC  Volvo buses treading with extreme caution when they have to navigate the area close to the driver where typically women stand/sit. Given that the drivers of these Volvo buses take a special liking toward applying brakes every now and then, this implies drawing on all skills of balance whilst walking amid a crowd.
3. In most suburban trains and buses across Indian cities, 1/3 of all seats are reserved for women in normal hours of commute.
4. I observe this in the elevators at work- Whenever girls enter, especially whenever young girls enter in a group, the men inside squeeze together. Those who are unfit even make an effort to draw their bellies in. It is amusing and disturbing at the same time. 
5. Early this week, two girls from Haryana beat up three alleged molesters. One "braveheart" girl put her belt to some good purpose thrashing these guys. These two girls became instant celebrities. Media houses scampered and queued to interview them, invite them to the studios and ask them all sorts of questions on "Women's rights". A few days later, another video surfaced, of the same girls beating up a guy in a park. Now, harassment is not pardonable but whoever arranges for these videos to be taken is a mystery. 
6. Whenever a case of rape is reported, there is a tendency to paint the entire male gender in shades of black. Men should be taught good manners at home, they say. This tendency to make sweeping generalizations doesn't help feminism in any manner. 
7. People joke (politically correct jokes you see) that men prefer "fair, beautiful, pretty, good looking" brides. Women too prefer "fair, good looking, charming, well earning" grooms. Somehow, if this is pointed out, many women feign ignorance. I wish they get to see what their friends and colleagues and sisters write on sites like Bharat Matrimony.Let us not even get into false cases of domestic violence.
8. Imagine a man after doing masters, sitting at home taking care of children and doing household chores. Somehow, a man like this is seen as "a-good-for-nothing-bloke", whereas, women can do this and get way. 
9. Corporates conduct "women focused recruitment drives" to increase representation of women and sometimes to "correct" gender imbalance. 

I have based these instances on my own experiences. I refrain from generalizing, hence the qualifier, "urban India". 
 
Sometimes, sometimes, I imagine the plight of men born into upper caste in India. I forget to find any reservation that they can lay claim to. 

The world is not a fair place. It is not a just place. However, as a race, we should strive for fairness and justice. The means by which we do that should not tilt the balance too much. I am afraid that, similar to reverse caste discrimination in the context of affirmative action, we are beginning to see many instances of reverse gender discrimination. If we, as a society, truly want our men and women to enjoy equal opportunities and rights, we should educate young children to see each other, first and foremost, as human beings.

And, yes, to reiterate, I am a feminist.

Eight lessons from Cycling!

1. No rise is permanent -  Life is like a game of snakes and ladders. For every ladder that we climb, there is a snake that is waiting to pull us down. Whilst cycling, ironically, one enjoys the fall! Some sections of the road may be well laid while some sections may be narrow and hardly ride worthy, but they have to be crossed if the journey is to be experienced. 
2. Riding the rise is hard but is worth it -  In life, to climb up the ladder calls for hard work, persistence and focused effort. But at the end of  it all, it is totally worth it. Some of the most breathtaking views of nature have been after riding steep inclines...
3.  Never give up - Sometimes, we give up too soon, sometimes we give up just before we reach the summit. The key is to keep going. A few cyclists quit just as they start cycling while many do all the hard work but give up just before reaching the destination
4.  We define our limitations - This is similar to the point above. It is our willpower that determines whether we can accomplish something or not. So many people assume that they can never cycle 80 or 100 kilometers on the trot but did they try in the fist place?
5. Choose the right role models - If we set our eyes on achieving something worthwhile, we should carefully choose our role models. If we set our eyes on completing a particular ride, we should emulate the rider who leads the pack and follow him.
6. There are no permanent companions in our journey - We may enjoy the company of the people surrounding us but we when it is time to move on, we must. When I cycle, I never cling to my companion and if I feel like I am clinging to someone, I either let him move on or I move on myself
7.  All of us are alone in our journeys - This is related to the point above. Darkness, rain, clouds, sunshine, steep inclines, easy plains, smooth roads, potholed lanes, we cycle alone. If we derive happiness - no matter what the terrain is and no matter what the weather is - from the act of riding, we can be contented without needing someone to depend on for our happiness
8. Slow and steady is the way to go - We should not exhaust ourselves by racing with others or cycle so slow that we can't make it to the destination. What is the point of a long ride if one does not do it with a certain sense of measured leisure? To pause and savor a moment of beauty and to rush through a patch of rough terrain in the heat, it is important to strike a right balance

 Readers are welcome to add more in their comments. 

Washed clean by the sands of time

A few years back, they were very close. She used to pour out her thoughts to him. It used to be a 'Stream of consciousness' kind of outpouring. Her anguish, jealousies, love, longing, frustrations, fantasies - he thought himself lucky. Every once in a while, they used to go on walks, along the clean, narrow road overlooking the calm lake. Every cell of his brain was intent on listening to her. He went into phases of such intense concentration that he frequently surprised himself. Her voice, the crushing of gravel beneath her shoes, in his spell, he was sure he could hear the wind rustle her jacket against her body. All other sounds were immaterial. They simply did not exist.

Today, some 15 months later, he recollected a conversation -

I am a very simple person

Whoever said, girls are simple! You are definitely not simple!

How do you say that?

You are very confused. You don't know who is the right person for you.

I know

No, you know you don't

It is just that I can't see motives behind anybody's actions

You have to grow up!

Don't you think I am grown up? (The suddenness of her smile caught him unaware and he had to catch his breath)

Not every guy is nice!

We have been through this

Oh God! Why am I even trying again? Do you know, I care for you? I care very deeply for you

I think so too

You think so?

Okay, I think you do

That is better. Look at these trees, they are barren

The change of seasons. I wish, there is a pattern to people's behavior too

In that case, we would not be people. We would become robots. How can you compare changing seasons to people's behavior?

Why do guys ask so many questions?

Because we like knowing answers

Some questions don't have answers. Sometimes, one just has to listen

Yeah, because girls like to talk more

Why should we always argue?

Yes, we always argue but I like arguing with you

Why don't we agree on something for a change?

If only she knew that he was ready to agree to anything she wanted! 

They were separated for a few months, time had intervened to wedge distances between their paths. She became inaccessible. He had an inkling that she was moving away, irretrievably away from him. It was beyond his control. The few times they managed to speak, there was a chasm, a void that had risen. He tried his best to figure out what could have happened. Did she meet someone? Did she sort out her confusions?

He called her every once in a while just to hear her voice. She would always have some reason to dissuade him from any conversation. "Forget the friendship we shared, we can be acquaintances, I can get to know you all over again", he wanted to say. He knew she was beyond that. The bond they shared, they jokes that lit up their days and the intense conversations that he so looked forward to, they were washed clean, by the sands of time. 

His and Her story

She delights in the ephemeral.
He believes in the eternal.

She prefers the objectivism of Ayn Rand.
He wallows in the sentimentality of Fyodor Dostoevsky.

She is a connoisseur of wine.
He has sampled more brands of beer than an average German.

She hates her parrot nose and doesn't wear an ear ring.
He fancies biting her nose and frequently resists pulling her ear lobes.

Her manfriday is fair, handsome and has a perfect smile.
His dreamgirl is tall, dusky and has legs to die for.

She grew up eating jalebis for breakfast.
He remembers soft idlis with chilli powder.

Her favorite evening snack is a plate of golgappas.
His choice is a plate of piping hot masala bhajjis.

She loves hiking in the mountains.
He likes sauntering along the seashore.

She grooves to the hardrock of linkin park.
He is moved by the melodies of Ilayaraja.

She knows he loves her.
He knows she wants to be loved.

Disconnect, switch off, cycle and sleep under the stars

There is a notification on Facebook, a friend has pinged on Whatsapp and another on Gtalk. This is so typical of our lives today. And, honestly, it has become irritating, energy sapping, boring and pointless. Yet, we connect, switch on our tablets and smart phones and laptops and ensure that wifi is on.

I posted a link to a DD News clip on YouTube in Facebook where Kaveri Mukherjee and Sukanya Balakrishnan present the day's news.

Sample these comments on the link:

i miss the 90's ...while growing up back then, it was a lovely time, a lot simpler, happier and filled with contentment

never ever ever ever ever ever ever remind me of the 90's! it was so good!

Now, why were the 90's so good? Partly because, we led simpler lives. By simpler, I mean uncluttered and less noisy lives. Today, a scary profusion of choices make our lives complex, decision making, stressful and consequently, attention and concentration get diverted easily.

Just imagine these:

• so many multiplex screens to choose from for a movie
• 100s of restaurants to eat out
• half a dozen messaging and chat applications
• so many news channels and some news is always breaking in all of them 

And now compare this with the 90s. Two television channels, a few good restaurants, no messaging, no breaking news, to simplify, no explosion of choices.

I gazed at the stars, actually noticed the moon, played cricket on the streets, saw a serial on DD Metro every weekday at 9 in the evening, waited for Rangoli and Mahabharat/Ramayan on Sundays, chewed boom boom Boomer, drank Rasna and Complan, read the good old Hindu, met friends in the evenings and chatted away under the light from the street lamps, got lost in faraway worlds by turning the pages of Famous Five and Hardy Boys.

Today, by giving in to these choices, we have made ourselves restless. Once in a while, we should

• cycle instead of taking out two wheelers and cars
• switch off our mobile phones for the weekend
• unplug the modem
• sleep under the stars
• make it a point to meet people instead of calling or chatting
• write letters and read comics

Life is simple and fun, it depends how we choose to live it. 

Of unpleasant visions

Visions of

Tangled wires,
knotted threads,
cluttered rooms,
rickety constructions,
jumbled thoughts,
noisy conversations,
chaotic crowds,
cloudy skies,
foggy mornings,
buzzing insects,
muddled waters and
hazy views

haunt and disorient.

The mind and the heart alike yearn for clarity: the clarity of a pristine stream and a cloudless sky. A clarity, perhaps nature alone can help bring.

On choosing a partner...

I was talking to a friend a few days back. She is someone whose philosophy toward life I hold in high regard, someone whose clarity of thought is impressive, who walks with such a degree of self assurance that you tend to think, confidence ought to be her natural ally!

I was reminiscing about our college days when something that she had told me then came back vividly, the trigger being the fact that she has chosen her life partner now. Back then, she had told me that two people should never imagine a future together if they are not "complete" individually. To elaborate, if I seek something to feel "complete", I should not look for a partner who will possess that "something" and by consequence, make me feel "complete".

She is an admirer of thought provoking literature and it is little wonder that she was able to put forward such a profound thought in so simple terms. As I discussed that philosophy with her, I could not help but think of the couples and relationships I have come across till date.

Some people look for their opposites in their partners thinking that opposites attract and the union would sustain by virtue of the novelty each partner would see in the other. Some others enter into relationship because of some attribute in their partner that they find very appealing. Because people change over time, this attribute that drew them in the first place might lose its appeal and a weariness begins to set in. In this case, the relationship starts off with a one sided attraction that turns into an obsession and evolves to a state where one becomes very much dependent on the other.

Some people keep it simple and have physical attractiveness as a criteria conveniently ignoring the fact that while the body can age fast, it is the mind that can remain sharp over a longer period! Some others simplify by looking for things that they themselves have in lesser measure, money, status, gregariousness etc. This is not different from looking for opposites. A few others prefer looking for similarities in taste and interests.

The common thread that runs across all these people is that they "look" for something in their partner. They might either lack what they look for or they might think that by looking for something definite and specific, they can make their own situation better. This is like a person trying to switch a job in search of a better pay and a better profile to augment his skills and lifestyle! The funniest part is when people think they are in "love" when they are doing this!

Aren't we better off not seeking anything in a partner, in other words, feeling a deep sense of contentment in ourselves before looking for a partner? If only, as my friend said, we feel "complete" and we realize that true happiness can only ensue by individual striving and inner peace, we would choose wisely: We would choose someone who is able to tolerate us, who accepts us as we are without wanting to change us, who is confident enough not to indulge in petty possessiveness, who is generous enough to accommodate our tastes and interests and give us the space we need to be ourselves...!

Will forever remain indebted to this wonderful friend who is a source of inspiration in many aspects...! 

Sometimes, A stroll is all one needs to feel lighter...

Man is a funny animal. Whatever he does, he has the ability to come up with a justification. I have seen this happen with myself so many times that I have come to terms with it. Excuse, justification, defensive behavior, lack of will, call it whatever you will, as we get older, we begin to accumulate this and over time, it weighs us down.

Life is like a journey and the lighter we travel, the better we can move around and take in different sights. A traveler who makes the mistake of packing too much along his journey will eventually grow tired of traveling. He would want to stay put at a place so that he can arrange all around him, the accoutrements that he has gotten used to. Our excuses for our mistakes are in a sense like the unnecessary baggage a traveler carries. The more we pile them up, the more crippled we become.

I was pondering this when I realized that I had been rushing like a mad man even though I was only returning from work. The long steps I was taking were tiring my legs and the peak hour noise was taking a toll on my nerves. When I slowed down, it felt as if I had suddenly entered the world of slow-motion cinema! I consciously slowed my pace and to my amusement, it was difficult to slow down...

The effect of my slowing down was quite dramatic. Suddenly, I could feel the cool breeze. I reached home, changed, went to the terrace to get the clothes I had put out to dry after washing. The crescent moon in the far distance appeared out of place after all the commotion, jostling, noise and the unceasing throng of people on the streets. In no mood to return to the apartment soon, I took in the breeze and continued to gaze at the moon.

Visions of all the treks and cycling I have enjoyed in the nature came in spurts and within a few moments, I felt lighter. A wave of happiness surged through my veins and I resolved not to forget this experience. An incoherent stream of thoughts, one inexplicably leading to the next had sparked this.

In life, no matter what the circumstances are, no matter what adversities we get subjected to and subject ourselves to, no matter who lends us a hand and who does not, no matter what quirks of fate await us, it is important to live lighter. To experience what I mean, get out of the cities, get out of the confining walls of your living spaces, get out of your routine, however meaningful your work is, get out of all that is chaining you to noise. Escape to the vast expanse of nature, escape to the mountains, forests and seashores. Subject your senses to the purest of pleasures that only nature can offer. The soul will automatically disentangle itself from all the baggage that is holding it down and soar...!

The people who matter!

Sometimes, life deals its cards in strange ways. It throws us in contact with people who love us and the people we love at the same time. It constantly reinforces the fact that no relationship starts equally. 

With the people who love us, we take things for granted. We are inconsiderate, sometimes insensitive, sometimes irritable and have no qualms in showing them our ugly natures, all inadvertently of course. Rarely do we act with complete awareness of our actions. If we are aware, we would not be blind.

With the people who we love, we obsess, fuss and behave like a shadow following their trail. We hope that one day they would notice the sincerity of our emotions and accord us a glance. Our thoughts center around them and we become ever so vulnerable when they are in our midst. 

What happens when we ignore the people who care for us and understand us only to pursue the people who never understand us, are too busy with their own priorities to give us any time? Our hearts become heavy, our steps slow, our emotions a farce and our lives shallow...we end up devastated.

Life offers us many opportunities to choose. Life offers us many opportunities to heal. Life offers us many opportunities to care, empathize and love! As someone famous remarked, "we are our choices". To be able to choose, it is imperative that we are aware, aware of our actions and aware of the choices we have. The people who matter will always see us for what we are and reciprocate our affections. Ultimately, any relationship is sustainable only if it evolves enough so that both parties become the people who matter for each other! It can sway one way or the other over time but it must be anchored well enough to withstand the swaying!

Theories to sustain the state of happiness!

If we do things that make us feel happy, we see the world as a happy place. If we see the world as a happy place, we become more optimistic, loving, enthusiastic and open. This state of being attracts optimism, love and enthusiasm into our lives and we subconsciously set in motion a cycle that taps into the law of attraction.

Cynicism is the first sign of a downward spiral in any friendship or relationship. It is better to trust and reap its result, whatever it may be, than be a cynic and forestall the blossoming of something beautiful!

 The past is behind us and can never claim our future unless we let it. The future is in the future and while planning for it should take up some of our resources, we should not be overwhelmed by it. The present moment is all we have to live and every moment of our conscious living should be spent in experiencing it completely. 

Happiness is a state of being and it is only in our own capacity, we can continue being in that beautiful state. If we seek happiness in the company of other human beings, we are forever doomed to lose it for reasons beyond our control. 

Why I love traveling..!

It was around 10 AM on a Sunday morning in the city of Strasbourg. I was sitting near a souvenir shop in the neighborhood of Little France. One of the most beautiful neighborhoods I have ever had the fortune to be in...a slight drizzle made the view more romantic. I remember the scene in vivid detail because something was intensely pure and genuine about the emotion I felt at that point. I cannot name it but I'd not be exaggerating if I say, I felt completely aware and at the same time as light as a feather. I have experienced similar feelings while biking down the slopes of western ghats back home, while commuting by the coal field express from Dhanbad to Howrah and whilst walking along the marine drive in Bombay.

Whenever I pack my stuff and step out, I do so with an open mind and a spring in my step. When I travel alone, I seek to engage my fellow travelers in trivial conversations, for I have discovered over time that good people are omnipresent. Last weekend, I was lucky to have breakfast and coffee with a girl from Brazil. Having completed her advertising course in London, she was on a tour of Europe. We talked about social media, advertising mix, traveling alone and traveling in groups, multinational companies from Brazil, Indian mythology and entrepreneurship.It was probably just 30 minutes but then two strangers from two different continents meeting in a third continent and talking about certain topics close to their hearts...well, I suppose only traveling can make this possible!

The night before, I arrived at the hostel to find an eclectic crowd at the reception bar. Even though I was alone and I knew nobody in that crowd, the jovial manner was infectious. I smiled and greeted a couple of people and was greeted back with equal warmth. That very morning, my first one in a new city, a young Brit had guided me to the nearest metro station and had offered his mobile number so that I can call him if I lost my way. Many a time, this genuine goodness of spirit makes me recollect what F Dostoevsky famously remarked "I do not want to and I cannot believe that evil is man’s normal state"

Traveling also, by virtue of the experiences it provides, inculcates a heightened degree of sensitivity. An ability to accommodate fellow human beings in our happiness and sometimes, experiencing an irrational joy in the presence of a total stranger...thanks to traveling I have experienced this often. A few weeks back, I overheard a conversation between two guys on the way back from work whilst they were making plans for the weekend. One guy said, "Traveling is perhaps the only thing that makes you richer without increasing your bank balance" He was spot on!

Rain drops on a summer morning...!

She lives in a street named Solitude alley. She is quite a dream...I like to think, I enjoy walking alongside her. Even such a thought puts a spring in my step and makes my imagination race...

Today morning, as I was walking past Solitude alley, I caught her at the window. She had just removed the blinds and her face glowed as the rising sun met its match. She looked dressed up and ready. Next moment, perhaps, she would have turned to the mirror and fastened the last strand of unruly hair firmly behind her ears.

I continued my walk to the Rathaus bus stop. The driver is a young chap. He wears his shades no matter what the weather is and he drives with such concentration that I often wonder if he is on a tightrope walk. His face lacks any expression and he saves his gaze only for the road ahead. Anyways, I am dithering from the subject....

I turned back just in case, destiny for once decided to be friends with me! To my utter disbelief, there she was, sauntering down the solitude alley...can you imagine silence whispering in your ear? If you find it difficult, perhaps, you should listen to the sound of the first rain drop that hits the ground on a pleasant summer morning. It is not loud enough to be noisy but it qualifies for a sweet whisper...I strained my ears, yes, it was beginning to drizzle.

Our dream did not have an umbrella and neither did she care. She lifted her head slowly and looked up - a movement that appeared to me choreographed to perfection. Just then, a drop caressed her eyelid. She batted her eyelashes, a gesture that can look only sensuous on her.

She began to walk briskly whilst a miracle was underway. The rain drops seemed to single her out. They were gentle on her. It became a spectacle in no time. Right in front of me, the heavens were blessing the dream.

As she stepped inside the bus shelter, the spell was broken. The heavens ceased shedding tears and the sun peeped again emerging from the thin clouds.

Lonely existence

Whoever would wish to wallow in the waves of loneliness?

In the midst of family, friends, relatives and acquaintances, 

to feel no appetite, no energy and no life around, to remain

uninspired by the pleasant weather...Indeed,

When the pleasant weather appears to revel in sadistic glee, 

when the smile of the kid next door seems plastic,

when the absence of any rustle of the leaves looks 

a grave premonition of an impending gloom, when all 

the nice things around, appear drifting and momentary, 

when no amount of running away seems to bring inner peace,

when cheerful friends are tested by an unforgiving fate, 

when everyone one turns to carries a demon - silent and 

lurking, bidding its time to unleash its wrath - limbs lose energy,

hunger gets bottled up, eyelids begin to droop, one begins to

yearn for a long sleep - hoping that sleep will wash away

the pangs of one's lonely existence! 

Alas, sleep decides to wreak its own vengeance for all the 

happy hours of yesteryear - it digs up

memories long forgotten. A dull pain takes over, numbing 

the senses into inaction...the only cozy retreat is a strained silence!

Sometimes...

I wish I have a time machine to

go back in time and live the best days of my life all over again...
play cricket in those back alleys and large grounds...
chatter ceaselessly on topics one would forget after 5 minutes...
take those early morning walks admiring the lush fields and the rising sun...
travel by local trains standing on the foot-boards...
admire the last few girls who cross the railway tracks as the train leaves...
wait for the mother's call sharp at 7 PM as she returns from work...
rush for school right at 8.55 AM after the last bollywood song is played on DD's morning show...
cuddle up on the terrace steps with a novel...
wake up listening to devotional songs on All India Radio...
try and measure the length of one's shadows at different times of the day...
fight for trivial things with my brother...
see cricket matches with my father late into the night...

Alas, its sad that we ought to grow up at all!

Do we really know best??

"One can only know one's strengths when one is dead and people get chances to write obituaries", a senior HR manager said in the course of a get together arranged today, addressing all the junior managers working for the Bosch group in India. 

This got me thinking... In life, many a time, we tend to think that, when we decide, we decide best. It is borne out of the desire within each one of us to exercise control over our destinies in some small measure or the other. But, the moot point is, do we really know what is best for us? If yes, why do we think that something that is decided for us by others won't be good in the long term? 

This senior manager also alluded to the Johari Window, seeming to suggest that there is a "blind spot" in all of us. Its only that in some of us, this window is small and the "arena" is large. In this case, there is a concurrence of sorts -We seem to appreciate the decisions of others since we think, we would have taken the same decisions! When the "blind spot" is large, alas, we get deceived by believeing that, since we only know ourselves best, we alone are entitled to chart our future. 


Now comes the larger question of identity! When we ask ourselves who we are, what is the answer that we get. Depending on every individuals Johari mapping, the answer might be slightly different. Most of us would agree however with the fact that what we are is more often nothing but what we are perceived to be. It is from others' perceptions that we infer our own identities. If others perceive me to be a good listener, then I stand vindicated by thinking high of my own listening abilities. Vice versa, there is cognitive dissonance! 

By crediting ourselves with superior abilities of discernment, we hinder our own prospects of being open to accept negative feedback.  So, when somebody else appears even remotely to chart our careers, we instinctively revolt. The first thought is, how can he/she do that? What right does he/she have to do that? It is revolt, resistance and loss of control that we feel. We desire putting our feet down and respond in a stubborn manner. 


Every step that we take in life, can be looked at, from two perspectives. The first perspective is that if we are in a position, where we can exercise control over our steps, instead of just blindly believeing that we know best, it is prudent to consult others (relatives, friends and well wishers) whether they concur with what we think. The other perspective comes in, when we are not in control of these steps. In such a case, it is important to look at the long term - if, in the long term, there is a possibility of things working out to our satisfaction, it is better to suppress the rebel in us and learn to love the direction in which the steps lead us! As they say, one might as well enjoy sitting through a traffic jam if it is eventually going to lead us to our destinations!! The journey might be arduous, but it might well be worth it!!

Jumbled thoughts

Darkness gathers,

voices cease. 

Memory unwinds,

pain flushes up. 

Nostalgia torments,

heart flutters.

The sea beckons,

moonlight guides.

Familiar smells,

unfamiliar faces.

Untrodden pathways,

shattered dreams.

New responsibilities,

lingering self-doubts.

Lonely evenings,

jealousy pangs. 

Faraway lights,

phantom companions.

Lost opportunities,

unrequited love.

Attributed motives,

blurred vision. 

Casual goodbyes,

misty eyes. 

Long tunnels,

flickering companions.

Future vistas,

impressionable canvas.

Another day,

another hope!

A sad goodbye and homecoming!

I turn a street corner and this is what I see -

I am in another long broad street with tall tress lining both sides. Cars are parked outside almost every house. It is raining a little. The street is deserted except for one tall girl, her silken smooth hair let loose, running in search of an elusive shelter...such a romantic scene caught my breath for a few seconds before I recovered to realize that I am also getting drenched. 

This scene played out at around 6 PM - bang on twilight time, with no trace of the setting sun and the light rain fashioning its own rhythm that was like a sweet music on the ear. I had got myself a new cycle - Hercules Atom with 18 Shimono gear combinations - a few days back. As I entered the gates to park it carefully, I could not help thanking my stars for finding myself back in the city I had grown to love so much in my last stint of 3 years. 

When I landed in the city in the first week of April, it was like a homecoming of sorts. I could feel the change in me, the spring in my step and a heightened sense of anticipation as to what new adventures, the city would hold for me this time around. When I got a 1 BHK bang in the middle of good old Jayanagar, my joy knew no bounds! The first sunday morning, with Sunday Times in hand, I spent in the quiet environs of a park nearby and it was sheer bliss. The air had a "traditional" unsullied smell to it and the atmosphere, serene.


There are hardly any changes and everything appears as I saw them an year ago, when I was making plans to pack my bags to Chennai. I had only a few wishes then - to stay disciplined during the year, make a few good friends and land a job again in Bangalore. Looking back at the one year experience that Great Lakes offered me, I guess, I shall always remain indebted! 

The last week in Great Lakes was an emotional roller coaster. We tried to do as many things as possible to clutch close to our hearts, as many memories as possible. A few memories that make me teary eyed - 


She was one of my best friends through the year. I came out to say goodbye. I just couldn't hold back my tears."What if I won't see her ever again later? How can she do this - just climb into a cab and move on?" - these were precisely the thoughts I was grappling with! 

The last time, we went to the beach in Mahabalipuram- Another one of my good friends suggested it well into the afternoon when I was hours away from saying goodbye to the campus. My memory blurs as I struggle to recall the conversation we had that evening but the sights, sounds and smells, all of them, I can painfully recall in vivid clarity and detail. On the way back, I heard the words, "I shall be missing you" and since nobody had ever told me that in as many words, I was a little taken aback to react. That was another painful goodbye! 

Earlier in the day, another very good friend packed her bags and left. The very personification of confidence that she is, with a calm sense of assurance, she said that we'll meet soon. I knew we would, for she would be joining work in Chennai, but then...


Another good friend of mine, he made it so easy for me- He asked me to come over to the volleyball court, looked me in the eye and invited me to Hyderabad where he shall be working. Neatly done! 

All these memories tug at my heart every once in a while, sudden in their appearance, always catching me unaware. I guess, time would again prove to be the best healer!

What is beauty?

14-03-2011, 10.45 PM, a group of 8 young men and women after a sumptuous dinner at Radisson temple bay, Mahabalipuram, walk to the beach. There is no sound except that of the waves. Pure foamy white in parts and colorless otherwise, like a beautiful slithering animal, the waves ceaselessly and with a certain ferocity, grace the coastline. The sight in the half moon light is breathtakingly beautiful. 

A feast for the eyes - the unending waves ahead and heavenward, clouds billowing, revealing the moon, every now and then.

A constant roar to the ears, at once soothing and a little frightening, as if, a gentle domesticated monster is singing a lullaby.

The smell, taste and feeling, all, a little salty, with the wind carrying the salt from the sea and spraying it all along the shore. 

This is the very definition of beauty. If someone asks me now, I can say, I experienced beauty for a whole 15 minutes, albeit very briefly, but highly intoxicating.

What is beauty?

An exaltation of the spirit when it is in communion with nature...

 

A priceless experience when all the senses are heightened in a sweet anticipation...

An enormous void, just lying beyond a high precipice, falling into which, one experiences nothingness!

A brief period when every thought gets clouded out, when the mind forgets to think and enters a suspended state, just observing, without any judgment!

A poetic interlude when art reaches its zenith before it regains its pitiful ordinariness...

A short time, when happiness reigns supreme and the soul rejoices and dances to an internal rhythm...

Beauty begins to fade the moment, we try to hold on to it, for, precisely, at that very moment, it eludes us. It is not something that can be possessed; rather, it is the one that possesses us. Instead of enjoying and reveling in each of those brief encounters, we commit the mistake of trying to latch on to them. In our eagerness to possess, we dread its loss. We don't want to let it go and hence, enter a cycle that frustrates us. 

Why is it that, we just cannot let beauty be? We want to lord over it, be its master and intend holding its reins...when we develop the capacity to appreciate it without trying to hold on to it, we can experience it in every moment. This, to me, is a huge learning, made possible by one of the most wonderful evenings in my life.

An appeal to Women on International Woman's day

Over the last few days, dailies have been abuzz with articles on International Woman's day. Quoting a psychologist and relationship therapist, one of the articles in Times Life, said, "I think Women have to fight an internal battle to ensure that they gain victory over their own tendency to misuse and abuse the concept of feminism. We need to fight against gender inequality and that includes women's reservations too. To ask for special privileges is to concede that we are a weaker gender. This is against the very spirit of feminism." 

There can be a debate on what feminism exactly is and whether men can be labeled feminists at all! Well, any movement that promotes rights for women and gender equality needs to involve men too as stakeholders and participants. However, the key lies in achieving a balance where men feel comfortable espousing equal rights for women and the concept of equality, per se, is defined correctly. Men of today are for the most part, used to the fact that a woman can be independent and professionally, achieve the laurels that they truly deserve. 

However, here is an appeal to women to introspect -

• If a guy says, "I am a guy, hence I deserve it/I have a right to it", he is termed a MCP. (I don't need to expand this, it is apparently quite a popular abbreviation) So, please think before saying, "I am a girl, hence I need it/deserve it/am entitled to it" It doesn't harbor pleasant feelings in Men.
• Don't stereotype Men. While men can be lechers, molesters, rapists, please understand that not all men are. By perpetuating a narrow stereotype of men, women don't do any good either to fellow women or to the larger society of which men are also a part of! If men are getting used to the fact that women can perform certain tasks equally well, women should not, depending on convenience, get away by saying, "You are a man, hence please take more responsibility/plan/arrange etc" That is so old fashioned and believe me, can get some guys, incensed! 
• Don't support gender reservations of any color. Unless it is a contest for "The most beautiful person" or "The most strongest person", most contests in life can be won by either gender.  (Here, we mean physical beauty and physical strength alone, not beauty of the soul or emotional strength, though there can be exceptions here too!) Unless women themselves are confident about this fact, it is difficult to proceed far. 
• Get used to less chivalry from men - don't expect them to open the door, pull the chair and the like. A man can do it occasionally to bring a smile to a woman's face, but expecting it as a norm is simply not in! I am not trying to say, all women expect either!
  

 Wishing all women, a happy international woman's day!! Comments are most welcome.